(I arrive home)

My Oldest, age 16: “Where’ve you been? I made popcorn, no help from you. You can’t have any. Don’t even ask.”

Me: “Why would I want popcorn? I just got Chinese takeout, thank you very much.”

Oldest: “Ooooh, Chinese! Gimme some.”

(long pause)

Me: “Do you even hear the irony?”