Me: “No, I’m fine. We don’t need to do anything for Fathers Day.”

Wonderful Wife: “Well, I thought you’d like to at least hit a brunch. There’s got to be some all-you-can-eat bacon with your name on it somewhere.”

Me: (slow blink)

Me: “I have never loved you more than I do at this very moment.”


I Scream

Me: “Kids, your mother and I are going out for dinner and a movie.”

Little Miss Thing, age 5: “I’ll be in charge while you’re gone.”

Danger Monkey, age 8: “Hey! Why do you get to be in charge?”

LMT: “Because if I’m in charge, everyone gets to eat ice cream.”

DM: “OK, you can be in charge.”

Me: “You show solid leadership skills kiddo, but actually Grandpa will be in charge.”

LMT (loud whisper): “We still get ice cream.”