Carbs, please

Every time I order food at a restaurant:

Brain: “There are good low-carb options. Selecting a small portion will be sufficient nourishment yet minimize calories and cost. Clearly the obvious choice.”

Mouth: “Yes, I would like carbs stuffed inside other carbs, rolled in some carbs then slathered with carbs. And for my side I’d like a pile of fried carbs covered in carbs then drizzled with carbs and a tiny cup of carbs in which to dip my carbs.”

Watch out, Patriarchy

Little Miss Thing, age 5: “I want to swim in just shorts like boys.”

Wonderful Wife: “No, sorry. Girls have to wear tops.”

LMT: “Why?”

WW: “The Patriarchy says so. Which is just another reason to fight the Patriarchy.”

LMT: “Where is the Patriarchy? I want to talk to them.”