Rest in Pieces

Me: “Are you done with your dinner?”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Yeah, you can eat it.” (slides plate)

Me: “Oh, no. I’ll save it for leftovers.”

DM: “Please eat it for lunch tomorrow.”

Me: “Actually, I think I’ll probably have it for breakfast with a fried egg and some avocado.”

DM: “No, have it for lunch. It was really delicious and it deserves an honorable burial.”

(long pause)

Me: “As you wish.”

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Writer Wrong

(dinner table)

Me: “How was school today, kids?”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Blah blah blah. You always ask us that. How was YOUR day?”

Me: “Actually, I did some cool research today on how to publish a book, something that I’ve wanted to do since I was a little boy.”

DM: “What? I thought you said you loved math and science in school?”

Me: “I loved all of it. Don’t let anyone say you have to only love one or the other.”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Then why do you work on computers?”

Me: “Because when I graduated from college I had a lot of loans to repay. So I got computer jobs because they pay more. I didn’t have the luxury of being a writer. So now some twenty years later, I finally get to be an author.”

LMT: “Why didn’t you just write a book?”

Me: “Writing a book is a lot of work. You don’t just…”

LMT: “No it’s not! I’ll write a book right now.”

Me: “That’s awesome. You do that.”

LMT: (starts walking)

Me: “You know, my class all wrote books when I was in Third Grade. Our teacher even bound them all up like real books. I still have mine, do you want to see it?”

LMT: (still walking) “Nah, I’m good.”

Me: …

(15 minutes later)

LMT: “I wrote a book.”

Me: “Sure you did.”

LMT: “Well, I have three characters and most of the plot.”

Me: “Really?”

LMT: “There are three puppies: Peanut, Cheeto, and and Stubbs. But the Mama doggy gets a bad cut on her ear and there’s blood everywhere.”

Me: “Wow. I hope she is OK.”

LMT: “She get better because all the animal friends go on an adventure to find the magic teacup to save her life.”

(long pause)

Me: “I’d read that.”