Me: (groaning)
Danger Monkey, age 9: “Why are your muscles so sore?”
Me: “I lifted a lot of weights at the gym last night, remember?”
DM: “My muscles don’t get sore like that.”
Me: “You’re young. And mine don’t hurt nearly as much as I thought they would.”
DM: “Why not?”
Me: “Maybe I’m more in shape than I thought.”
DM: “No, that can’t be it.”
Me: (glaring)
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I’m almost done reading Harry Potter 3. It has, like, a hundred chapters.”
Danger Monkey, age 9: “No, it only has 22 chapters.”
Me: “Are you sure?”
LMT: (flipping pages) “Yep. He’s right.”
Me: “How did you know that?”
DM: “I don’t know.”
Me: “How long has it been since you’ve read that book?”
DM: “About a year.”
Me: “How many times have you read it?”
DM: “Hmmm… thrice.”
(long pause)
Me: “I love being your dad. You’re a cool little dude. And using words like “thrice” makes your mom REALLY happy.”
Danger Monkey, age 9: “Let’s use this locker so we’ll be close to the pool.”
Me: “No, it’s not polite to choose a locker next to the only naked stranger in the whole locker room.”
(naked stranger laughs)
… (later) …
DM: “Dad, why did that guy laugh?”
Me: “Because every guy learned all the unwritten locker room rules from his Dad, so it’s funny to hear some other kid learning them. It’s a happy memory.”
DM: “There are more rules?”
Me: “So many rules.”
DM: “I didn’t know locker rooms were so complicated.”
Me: “Oh yeah, locker rooms are one of the most complicated places on the planet.”
DM: “Ugh.”
Me: “I agree.”
Very Vocal Viking 