Puppy Doctor

Danger Monkey, age 9: “I’ll get it!”

(runs, trips, falls into bookshelf)

DM: “I’m OK.”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “He’s limping. We need to take him to the vet.”

Me: “I think he’s OK. No need for the vet.”

LMT: “What’s the name for a veterinarian, except for people?”

Me: “Doctor.”

LMT: “Right, a doctor. You should take him to the doctor.”

Me: “I think you already knew what a doctor was.”

LMT: “You’re thinking of someone else. I’m a puppy. I only know veterinarians.”

Me: “Well, then that makes perfect sense.”

Cheating Death

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I’m going to scream so loud it will knock your socks off!”
(loud high pitched scream)

Me: “That was a great scream, but my socks are still on.”

LMT: “You cheated death!”

Me: ” Feeling dramatic today, are we?”

LMT: “I’ll be back!” (evil laugh as she runs off)

Me: “What an interesting phase we’ve started.”

Best School Ever

(RING)(RING)

Nice School Lady: “Front office, how may I help you?”

Me: “Hello, this is Troy Maynard. I need to pick up my kids from school today instead of them riding the bus like they…:

NSL: “OK, car riders today. Anything else?”

Me: “Yes, can you please remind him to bring his…”

NSL: “Cello! Of course. We remind all our strings kids to take their instruments home on Fridays. Anything else?”

Me: (slow blink)

Me: “You know, I didn’t even say their names yet.”

NSL: “We know who they are.”

Me: “Uh… is that a good thing?”

NSL: (laugh) “Yes, they’re great kids. It’s just a small school. We know everyone.”

Me: “OK, thanks. Just checking.”

Best. School. EVAR.