Lady, I don’t care how many crosses are hanging from your review or how many fish bumper stickers you have… It’s not Christian to cut me off and then flip me the bird when I honk. And my radio was too loud to hear what you yelled, but I’m guessing you weren’t quoting scripture. But I forgive you. I hope you enjoy bingo or shopping or whatever extremely important event you were late for.

Dear Jesus, please save us from your followers. Amen.