I’d Read That

Last night I dreamed I was writing a book about myself writing a book about a transgender alien named Zaah who was a sheriff in a small Midwestern town who fought her own body image issues plus the townspeople’s sexism and transgender prejudices all while solving mysteries by using her alien powers to turn people into what they feared so they could see things from the other perspective.

In related news, that’s the last time I’ll eat really spicy food right before bed.

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He Said Anything

Vendor Guy: “Everybody’s a winner! Spin the wheel, get a prize! Congratulations little lady… your spin landed on red. You can choose any item from that table.”

Little Miss Thing, age 6: “Anything? Really?”

Guy: “You bet, sweetie! Anything on the table.”

LMT: “I want that.” (points)

Guy: “No, not my iPad.”

LMT: “You said anything on the table.”

Guy: “Well, yeah… but… I meant… anything except the iPad.”

LMT: (long stare) “Then nevermind.” (walks away empty handed)

Seven

Happy 7th Wedding Anniversary to my amazing, beautiful, strong, talented, gracious, loving wife. She does such incredible things and works so hard and loves so deeply. She’s my rock and my hero. She puts me back together when I crumble, and challenges me when I’m complacent. She’s tender, and kind, and still a complete badass. She’s a saint and a maniac and the best mother ever. I’m damn lucky to have tricked her into falling for me.

Wonderful Wife, I love you more than you will ever understand.