(holding can of spray cheese)
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Why does this say Cheese Snack instead of just cheese?”
Me: “Because it’s not cheese. It’s just cheap oil that’s whipped into goo, and it’s so full of chemicals that the government won’t let them call it cheese.”
LMT: “These chemicals are delicious! I want this every day.”
Danger Monkey, age 10: “Let’s play 20 questions. Try to guess what I’m thinking.”
Me: “Is it bigger than a breadbox?”
DM: “It can take any shape.”
Me: …
Me: “It can’t be a fictional character in a book that only you’ve read.”
DM: …
DM: “I only want to play if mythical creatures are included.”
Me: “OK, maybe I should go first. Try to guess what I’m thinking.”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Is it on your face?”
Me: …
Me: “Maybe we should just go back to quietly reading for the rest of the drive.”
LMT: “I thought of something.”
Me: “OK, is it a place or a person?”
LMT: “It’s something you can go into.”
Me: “Is it a building?”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Yes.”
Me: “Is it a business?”
LMT: “Mmm… not sure.”
Me: “Well, does it have employees?”
LMT: “I don’t know.”
Me: “Do they sell things?”
LMT: “I don’t know.”
Me: …
Me: “Then I guess I give up.”
LMT: “It’s a bank.”
Me: “Honey, banks have employees inside them.”
LMT: “How am I supposed to know what goes on in there?”
Me: “What’s that, coconut oil?”
My Oldest, age 15: “It’s amazing for your skin. I put it on several times a day. It fixes everything.”
Me: “Not these elbows.”
Oldest: “No, it fixes everything! Let me see.”
(rubs oil onto elbow)
Oldest: “Wow. That elbow’s gross.”
Me: “C’mon. It’s just rough skin. What about the oil?”
(more oil)
Me: “Told you.”
(more oil)
Oldest: “Congratulations. You defeated coconut oil.”
Me: “I win!”
Oldest: “There are no winners here.”
Very Vocal Viking 