Me: “What’s that, coconut oil?”

My Oldest, age 15: “It’s amazing for your skin. I put it on several times a day. It fixes everything.”

Me: “Not these elbows.”

Oldest: “No, it fixes everything! Let me see.”

(rubs oil onto elbow)

Oldest: “Wow. That elbow’s gross.”

Me: “C’mon. It’s just rough skin. What about the oil?”

(more oil)

Me: “Told you.”

(more oil)

Oldest: “Congratulations. You defeated coconut oil.”

Me: “I win!”

Oldest: “There are no winners here.”