Surprise Me

(driving)

Kids: “Where are we going?”

Me: “It’s a surprise.”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Give us a hint.”

Me: “No.”

Little Miss Thing, age 8: “If it’s cleaning port-a-potties, I’m going to be really mad.”

Me: “It’s not cleaning port-a-potties.”

LMT: “Is it Chuck E Cheez?”

Me: “No, it’s better than Chuck E. Cheez.”

DM: “Well, that doesn’t narrow it down much. Everything is better than Chuck E. Cheez.”

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Out of Work

Me: “Well, after a long day of hard work restoring my laptop, at least I can maybe be productive for the last hour of the workday.”

(phone rings)

Me: “Hello?”

Phone: “Hi, this is the school. Little Miss Thing and five of her friends stayed after for Girl Scouts, but there is no Girl Scouts meeting tonight. Can you please come get her?”

Me: …

Write Right

Danger Monkey, age 10: “So are you an author now? What about your other job?”

Me: “Yes, I’m an author and I published a book, but mostly I still do my regular job.”

DM: “Why?”

Me: “Well, it’s not that kind of book. It’s just for fun.”

DM: “You need to write another book. But this time, try harder.”

Me: …