Don’t Try This At Home

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I can play the piano with my eyes closed. Someone guide me to the piano.”

Me: “You know, you don’t have to close your eyes until you get to the piano.”

LMT: (long pause)

LMT: “I need a guide dog.”

Me: “The dog is right next to you. Grab her collar and hold on tight. I’ll throw some popcorn over by the piano and you’ll get there in a jiffy.”

LMT: “Sure!” (grabs dog’s collar)

Wonderful Wife: “Uh… Do we really think this a good…”

(popcorn is thrown, dog drags girl across living room)

(stunned silence)

LMT: “That was awesome!”

WW: “If we had filmed that, we would be famous.”

Me: “I love my life.”


Me: “We only have enough time to grab burgers before the movie.”

My Oldets, age 14: “And fries.”

Me: “We’ll get popcorn at the movie. It’s poor form to load up on French fries right before eating six cubic feet of popcorn.”

Oldest: “I want it all. And don’t judge my life choices.”