Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Which pen works best?”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “This one.”

Me: “Works best for what?”

LMT: “Writing on my hand.”

Me: “What? No, gross. Don’t do that.”

LMT: “Why not?”

Me: “Uh, well… It looks messy. And, uh… it’s hard to get off. And it just looks bad.”

DM: “We can’t write on ourselves?”

Me: “No.”

LMT: “You mean like your GIANT TATTOO?”

Me: …

Me: …

Me: “OK, but no swear words.”