Wonderful Wife: “So kids, did you enjoy the cookout and playing with your cousins?”
Danger Monkey, age 9: “I learned how to play Magic The Gathering. Do you know where I can buy Magic cards?”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I learned two new swear words.”
WW: (jaw drop)
Me: “Best party ever.”
What my kids learned today:
1) That blinking red light means the engine is almost totally out of oil.
2) When stopping at a gas station to buy oil, always ask the cashier for a free paper funnel.
3) When carrying several oil bottles and a free paper funnel on a windy day, hold on tightly.
4) When the free paper funnel goes blowing across the parking lot and into the street, always send your son back inside to get another one so you don’t have to admit you dropped the first one.
5) After removing the engine oil cap, be careful to set it in a safe place. Never place it on the engine block.
6) When the oil cap slides off the engine block and down into the guts of the engine compartment, Daddy will say bad words.
7) It is very hard to dislodge an oil cap from the guts of an engine compartment, even with a very large Viking jumping up and down on the front bumper.
8) The residents of small Midwestern towns are not accustomed to seeing very large Vikings jumping up and down on bumpers.
9) In emergencies, you can jam a wad of paper towels into the oil cap hole and drive three blocks to Autozone.
10) A replacement oil cap costs $8.89, plus tax and a good bit of your pride.
Around here, holiday cards tend to include secret codes. Which I think is awesome, because codes are cool, and partly because it looks like the bunny is swearing.