Soured Cream

Me: “OK, kids. Lets have a little learning experience. I’ll give you a choice. We can all get milkshakes here at the restaurant and pay $20, or we can buy two big things of ice cream at a grocery store on the way home for $10 and eat ice cream every night all week.”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “I vote for milkshakes here.”

Me: “Really? You’re usually the one who prefers getting a bargain.”

DM: “It’s not a bargain when I think you’ll eat all the ice cream at home.”

Me: (glaring)

My Oldest, age 16: “So, Dad, how are you enjoying your learning experience?”

Me: (glaring intensifies)

Drawn Together

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Which pen works best?”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “This one.”

Me: “Works best for what?”

LMT: “Writing on my hand.”

Me: “What? No, gross. Don’t do that.”

LMT: “Why not?”

Me: “Uh, well… It looks messy. And, uh… it’s hard to get off. And it just looks bad.”

DM: “We can’t write on ourselves?”

Me: “No.”

LMT: “You mean like your GIANT TATTOO?”

Me: …

Me: …

Me: “OK, but no swear words.”