Danger Monkey, age 10: “Please be quiet.”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: (loud singing)

DM: “Dad, I need to cast Mage Hand to put a magical hand over her mouth.”

Me: “Sorry, buddy. We’re not playing D&D. You’re stuck back there with your sister for the rest of this car ride. Can you maybe think of a better way to resolve this?”

DM: “Yes, but I’m not level 5 so I can’t cast fireball yet.”

LMT: “What…?”

Me: “What…?”