Danger Monkey, age 9: “What is this?” (pokes with fork)

Me: “Those are grilled onions, my son. I noticed you’ve been eating raw onions for the last few weeks, so figured you should try them the way they should be eaten: slowly fried until they are golden, caramelized and delicious.”

DM: “But, now they don’t give me a breath weapon.”

Me: (slow blink)

Me: “Noted.”