Montgomery Biscuits

Me: “So, we’ll be in Montgomery around dinner time. Surely there’s somewhere fun and local we can eat?”

Wonderful Wife: “Hmm… this app shows what’s along our route. It looks like all chain restaurants. Oh, wait, this sounds great. What do you think of trying The Montgomery Biscuits?”

Me: “Uh, yeah! That sounds exactly like the type of awesome Southern food I was hoping to find! ”

WW: “Oh, and they even scored a 4.8 out of 5.0.”

Me: “WOW! We are totally eating there! Wait… better check their hours. They may close early on Sundays.”

WW: “Good idea. I’m Googling it right now… and…”

(hysterical laughter)

Me: “Are you OK, Honey? What’s wrong?”

WW: “We might want to keep looking. The Montgomery Biscuits is the minor league baseball team.”

Me: (slow blink)

It’s An Option

Me: “Is it hot in here?”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “You should wear a tank top.”

Wonderful Wife: “Please don’t.”

LMT: “Why not?”

WW: “I don’t think it’s an attractive look.”

LMT: “Who cares? You’re already married.”

WW: “Well, I think he is attractive, but not a tank top.”

LMT: “You can get divorced if you don’t like it.”

Me: (slow blink)

WW: (slow blink)

WW: “Hmmm… that’s not how that works.”

LMT: “It’s an option.”

Little Fixer

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Why are there so many dirty dishes?”

Me: “Dishwasher’s broken.”

DM: “What happened?”

Me: “Not sure. The top rack won’t slide out. I spent about 20 minutes on it but it’s still stuck. But don’t worry, kiddo. I’ll find an article on the Internet later and…”

DM: “I fixed it.”

Me: “What?”

DM: “I watched Mom fix it last time that happened.”

Me: (slow blink)

Me: “Thank you.”

DM: “No problem. Let me know if you need anything else fixed.”

Me: …