Driving to War

Me: “Hey, it’s really cold. What is taking so long to get into the car?”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “I dropped my book. I think while taking off all my weapons.”

Me: (slow blink)

Me: “How many weapons do you have?”

DM: “My elven sword and my bow. But don’t worry, I don’t have any arrows.”

Me: “I love you, dude.”

DM: “Whatever.”

She has drive

Me: “Time to go, kids.”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I don’t want to go.”

Me: “Well, we’re leaving. Someone has to run these errands.”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “You can go without us.”

Me: “What, and do all the errands alone?”

LMT: “Sounds good to me.”

Me: “How about if you two go without me?”

DM: “Really?”

LMT: “Yes! You work the pedals, I’ll steer! Don’t forget to steal dad’s wallet!”
(running to car)

Me: (slow blink)

Me: “That was a little too enthusiastic.”

Unlocked

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Can I learn how to unlock your car?”

Me: “Sure, kiddo. Here’s the key.”

LMT: “How do I unlock everything at once?”

Me: “No, I bought this one used and it doesn’t work that way. The guy showed me how to unlock the driver door, then reach inside to manually push the unlock button.”

LMT: “I think you turn it and hold it.” (turns key and holds)

Me: “No, don’t hold it turned like that. You need to…

Car: <click>
(all locks on car pop unlocked)

Me: …

LMT: “Told you.”

Me: (slow blink)

Moral of the story: Keep learning.

And don’t question LMT.