OK Google


Me: “Hey kids, listen to what my phone can do without me even touching it”

(clears throat)

Me: “OK Google, play funk music.”

(Google Assistant plays funk music)

Danger Monkey, age 11: “What else can it do?”

Me: “I don’t know. Let’s see. OK Google, play monkey noises.”

(Google plays monkey noises)

Little Miss Thing, age 8: “Hey Google! Do a dance!”

Me: “Yeah, I don’t think…”

DM: “Google, play fart noises!”

LMT: “Google, jump out the window!”

DM: “Google, access Dad’s bank account!”

Me: “Hey now…”

LMT: “Google, take control of the car and drive us to ice cream!”

DM: “Google, transfer $100 from Dad’s checking account and mail it to me!”

Me: “And… we’re done.”

(turns off phone)

Techno Twerp

Wonderful Wife: “What do you want for Xmas?”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Gymnastics sheets for my bed.”

WW: “I don’t know if those exist.”

LMT: “You can get on Google and find them.”

WW: …

LMT: “You can use your phone right now.”

WW: (glares at me)

Me: “She’s not wrong.”

WW: “You did this to me.”

Cool Tech, Bad Reason

Flying to Florida with no notice because your youngest was rushed to the hospital is not the best situation, but pretty cool to pull over, fire up the hotspot on my  phone, turn on my laptop and book a flight. Took all of about 7 minutes, start to finish. Not thrilled in any way about the trip — but the technology is cool.