Danger Monkey, age 10: “Mom, you can have my extra Fun Dip.”

Wonderful Wife: “Well, thank you!”

DM: “OK, I’ll tell you how to eat it. It’s a different kind of candy.”

WW: “Oh, honey. I know how to eat Fun Dip. Trust me.”

Me: “Yeah, kiddo. Fun Dip was around even when we were kids.”

WW: “In fact, in high school, I once poured three packets of Fun Dip on a pickle and ate it.”

Me: “Whut.”

DM: “Ewwww! Why?”

WW: “It was a dare. It was absolutely disgusting. Ask Alex Service. I cannot recommend the combo.”

Me: “Son, don’t ever do something on a dare. It never works out.”

DM: “OK. But I want to try Fun Dip on a pickle.”

Me: …

Me: “I don’t feel like I’m getting through to you here.”