Dip Dares

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Mom, you can have my extra Fun Dip.”

Wonderful Wife: “Well, thank you!”

DM: “OK, I’ll tell you how to eat it. It’s a different kind of candy.”

WW: “Oh, honey. I know how to eat Fun Dip. Trust me.”

Me: “Yeah, kiddo. Fun Dip was around even when we were kids.”

WW: “In fact, in high school, I once poured three packets of Fun Dip on a pickle and ate it.”

Me: “Whut.”

DM: “Ewwww! Why?”

WW: “It was a dare. It was absolutely disgusting. Ask Alex Service. I cannot recommend the combo.”

Me: “Son, don’t ever do something on a dare. It never works out.”

DM: “OK. But I want to try Fun Dip on a pickle.”

Me: …

Me: “I don’t feel like I’m getting through to you here.”

Foiled Again

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Can I have one of my chocolates now? You said after dinner.”

Wonderful Wife: “Sure. Leave the rest right here by me.”

LMT: “Awesome!” (starts away)

Danger Monkey, age 10: “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

LMT: (stops in her tracks)

LMT: “I’ll take this with me.”

WW: (side eye at the boy)

WW: “Foiled again.”

No One Does

Me: “I love you.”

Little Miss Thing, age 6: “So what?”

Me: “So, that means you’re my super special girl, and I’ll do anything for you.”

LMT: “You’ll do anything?”

Me: “Yes. Anything.”

LMT: “Will you… buy me all the candy I want?”

Me: “No.”

LMT: (pouts) “I don’t understand love.”

Me: “No one really does.”