Me: “Oh my word! How big of a bite did you take? You can’t even close your mouth.”
Danger Monkey, age 10: (incomprehensible noises)
Wonderful Wife: “That’s unacceptable.”
DM: (spits out much food)
Me: “Dude, that’s way too much. That’s like four bites.”
WW: “That’s eight bites. I think I’m going to be sick.”
Me: “Dude. Gross.”
DM: “What can I say? I have chipmunk ancestry.”
Me: …
Me: “I’m not a genealogist, but as your parents, you’d think we would have already known that.”