Me: “How was your day at school?”

Danger Monkey, age 8: “Fine.”

Me: “Did you learn anything today?”

DM: “I learned two things. First, never jump backwards off a swing. Second, if you are bleeding you should hold that body part above your heart.”

Me: (slow blink) “Just try to make it to age nine, OK?”

DM: “OK. I’ll try.”