Me, via text: “Hey, make sure you eat dinner before I pick you up.”

My Oldest, age 13: “We don’t have what you would call appropriate dinner eating food.”

Me: “Really? No food?”

Oldest: “Well like cereal or candy.”

Me: (pause)

Oldest: “OK, we have leftover pot roast. But seriously, nothing appropriate to eat.”

Me: “So you want to go out to eat.”

Oldest: “Best. Dad. Ever.”