Me: “Make sure you get some fruits and veggies in addition to the General Tso’s chicken. It’s a buffet but we still need to get fruits and veggies.”
Danger Monkey, age 10: “I will. I just love General Tso’s.”
Me: “Yeah, I thought you’d grow out of it eventually, but you’re still loving it. I’m going to start calling you General Tso.”
DM: “What? Why?”
Me: “Because you are what you eat.” (snicker)
DM: “Really? Then why don’t we call you Everything?”
(driving)
(kids yelling)
(much yelling)
(so much yelling)
Me: “Kids! Too loud! That’s enough. No more yelling in the car. Never yell in the car.”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “No yelling… ever?”
Me: “The only thing you’re allowed to yell is, ‘DAD IS COOL’.”
(long pause)
Danger Monkey, age 10: “In other words, no yelling.”
Me: (glaring in rearview mirror)
Little Miss Thing, age 6: “Why do you call us different names all the time?”
Me: “They’re just silly nicknames.”
LMT: “Why do they change every day?”
Me: “OK, how about permanent nicknames. You are now… Treet, the magical puppy.”
LMT: “Yay!”
Danger Monkey, age 9: “I’m a telekinetic cat.”
Me: “No, I have to give it to you.”
DM: “Then make me a telekinetic cat.”
Me: “No, your name is… Rutherford… and you are a… telekinetic… uh… turnip.”
DM: “Can I be a shape-changing telekinetic turnip?”
Me: “Yes, you are now a shape-changing, telekinetic turnip named Rutherford.”
DM: “I change into a cat.”
Me: (slow blink)
Me: “Son, you may be better at this game than I am.”
Very Vocal Viking 