Me: “Hey, wanna go out for dinner tonight?”
Wonderful Wife: “I really don’t feel well. I have a horrible headache and the lymph nodes in my neck are swollen.”
Me: (typing on my phone)
Me: “I looked up your symptoms. I’m afraid you only have a few hours to live.”
WW: (heads into kitchen)
Me: “What are you doing?”
WW: “Making pop tarts and chocolate Quik. If I’m dying, that’s how I want to go out.”
Me: “Did you enjoy the gaming convention last weekend?”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Yes! I love gaming conventions!”
Me: “Really? Aw, that’s awesome. That makes your geeky Dad’s heart just melt with happiness! What was your favorite part?”
LMT: “All the pancakes.”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Which pen works best?”
Danger Monkey, age 10: “This one.”
Me: “Works best for what?”
LMT: “Writing on my hand.”
Me: “What? No, gross. Don’t do that.”
LMT: “Why not?”
Me: “Uh, well… It looks messy. And, uh… it’s hard to get off. And it just looks bad.”
DM: “We can’t write on ourselves?”
Me: “No.”
LMT: “You mean like your GIANT TATTOO?”
Me: …
Me: …
Me: “OK, but no swear words.”
Very Vocal Viking 