Para-Cute

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Look Daddy! I have a parachute!”

(holds six plastic grocery bags above her head)

Me: “How creative.”

LMT: “Let me get a running start. ”

Me: “Wait… wut…”

(runs past me, jumps off a couch, crumples to the ground)

Me: “Are you OK?”

(jumps to her feet)

LMT: (long pause)

LMT: “Nailed it.”

Techno Twerp

Wonderful Wife: “What do you want for Xmas?”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Gymnastics sheets for my bed.”

WW: “I don’t know if those exist.”

LMT: “You can get on Google and find them.”

WW: …

LMT: “You can use your phone right now.”

WW: (glares at me)

Me: “She’s not wrong.”

WW: “You did this to me.”