Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Daddy, guess what I did at school today.”
Me: “Learned to fly?”
LMT: “Incorrect. Minus five points from Griffyndor.”
Me: “Wait. What…?”
Danger Monkey, age 10: “I think I’m Ravenclaw. If Daddy is Griffyndor, what are you?”
LMT: “I’m a dog, so I’m in… DoggyTime.”
DM: “There’s no House called Doggytime at Hogwarts!”
LMT: “You’re not a dog, so we can’t tell you about it.”
Little Miss Thing, age 6: “We should get a gun in case robbers come.”
Wonderful Wife: “It’s more likely to have an accident with a gun than to defend your house with it.”
Me: “Plus we have a security system and three huge dogs.”
WW: “And we don’t have a bunch of cash or electronics or jewelry that robbers would even want.”
Me: “And we have insurance. We’ll just buy another TV if they steal it.”
LMT: “Yeah, our TV is getting kinda dusty.”
Me: “That’s the spirit.”
(Dog farts.)
Me: “Dog, you stink.”
(Dog farts again)
Me: “Dog, if you don’t stop farting, I’m going to duct tape your butt closed.”
Boy: “Daddy, that’s not right. Don’t duct tape her butt closed!”
Boy leaves the room and comes back, holding up a circular object.
Boy: “Let’s use masking tape instead.”
Very Vocal Viking 