Danger Monkey, age 9: “Why did the superhero go to the restroom?”
Little Miss Thing, age 6: “He had to poop? Pee? Both!”
DM: “No, don’t ruin my joke. Why did the superhero go to the restroom?”
LMT: “I don’t know. Why?”
DM: “He was doing his duty.”
LMT: “Was he a super pooper?”
DM: “OK, that’s funnier than mine.”
LMT: “I know.”
Me: “OK, son. We’re going to a very authentic Chinese restaurant. You need to keep a VERY open mind. They serve food items that you’ve probably never considered eating. But don’t make a big deal about it because that would be very insensitive. It’s totally normal to people from other countries.”
Danger Monkey, age 9: (wide eyed) “Really? Like… what?”
Me: “Well, like tendons… and knuckles… and tripe. Have you heard of tripe? It’s stomach lining.”
DM: “WHAT!!! You’re kidding me, right?”
Me: “No, very serious. That’s exactly what I’m saying. Some of the stuff seems completely wild, but it’s totally normal where they grew up.”
DM: (long pause) “No, I really don’t want to eat somebody’s stomach.”
Me: “Um, OK… it’s not people stomachs. Just pig stomachs.”
DM: “Oh! Then it sounds cool. I’ll try it.”
Chinese buffet hostess: “Just two tonight? And how old is your daughter?”
Danger Monkey, age 9: “I’m nine… and, if it matters, I’m a boy.”
Hostess: “Oh, I am so sorry!”
DM: “It’s OK. Is it the same price?”
Hostess: “What?”
DM: “Do you charge the same price for boys and girls?”
Hostess: “Oh, of course.”
DM: “Then it doesn’t matter if you write down boy or girl.”
Hostess: “I guess not.”
Very Vocal Viking 