Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Which pen works best?”
Danger Monkey, age 10: “This one.”
Me: “Works best for what?”
LMT: “Writing on my hand.”
Me: “What? No, gross. Don’t do that.”
LMT: “Why not?”
Me: “Uh, well… It looks messy. And, uh… it’s hard to get off. And it just looks bad.”
DM: “We can’t write on ourselves?”
Me: “No.”
LMT: “You mean like your GIANT TATTOO?”
Me: …
Me: …
Me: “OK, but no swear words.”
Me: “Dinner is served.”
Danger Monkey, age 10: “What is that? It’s all grey.”
Me: “Pork loin. It’s delicious.”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I tried it but I don’t like it. I like meat that is more wet.”
Me: “Moist is the word we use there, and yes it’s a tiny bit overcooked. But it’s still delicious.”
DM: “I don’t like it.”
Me: “Can you try it before you hate it?”
DM: “Did you put any brown sugar on the sweet potatoes?”
Me: “Yes, lots.”
DM: “Not enough. They just taste like terrible orange potatoes.”
LMT: “I don’t like them either. They’re too soft. I like them hard and crunchy.”
Me: “You know…”
DM: “I’ll just make a PBJ.”
LMT: “Me too!”
Me: “Ingrates.”
DM: “What?”
Me: “I said… enjoy your PBJs.”
Danger Monkey, age 10: “Can I have more steak please?”
Me: “Well, we’re all splitting just one steak, so none of us are having very much.”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I want more steak, too.”
Me: “You kids are making a Viking dad very proud.”
LMT: “No, I want a bigger piece than that. You need to buy more steak next time.”
DM: “Yeah, this is not enough steak.”
Me: “I think I’m going to tear up.”
Very Vocal Viking 