Me: “Is it hot in here?”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “You should wear a tank top.”
Wonderful Wife: “Please don’t.”
LMT: “Why not?”
WW: “I don’t think it’s an attractive look.”
LMT: “Who cares? You’re already married.”
WW: “Well, I think he is attractive, but not a tank top.”
LMT: “You can get divorced if you don’t like it.”
Me: (slow blink)
WW: (slow blink)
WW: “Hmmm… that’s not how that works.”
LMT: “It’s an option.”
Me: “Oh my word! How big of a bite did you take? You can’t even close your mouth.”
Danger Monkey, age 10: (incomprehensible noises)
Wonderful Wife: “That’s unacceptable.”
DM: (spits out much food)
Me: “Dude, that’s way too much. That’s like four bites.”
WW: “That’s eight bites. I think I’m going to be sick.”
Me: “Dude. Gross.”
DM: “What can I say? I have chipmunk ancestry.”
Me: …
Me: “I’m not a genealogist, but as your parents, you’d think we would have already known that.”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Can I have one of my chocolates now? You said after dinner.”
Wonderful Wife: “Sure. Leave the rest right here by me.”
LMT: “Awesome!” (starts away)
Danger Monkey, age 10: “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
LMT: (stops in her tracks)
LMT: “I’ll take this with me.”
WW: (side eye at the boy)
WW: “Foiled again.”
Very Vocal Viking 