Author: VeryVocalViking

Just your friendly neighborhood giant viking, with a lot to say about food, family life, geek culture, and the world at large.

Stalling

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From the Back Stall, Men’s Room, Newark Int’l Airport, Monday 7:47 PM.

Little Kid: “Ewww. Water’s everywhere.”

Tired Dad: “Ignore it. Remember, don’t touch anything. Nothing.”

LK: “What’s this?”

TD: “WHAT? I JUST SAID… I just said don’t touch anything!”

LK: “It’s wet.”

TD: “NO! I… uh… just stand still. We’ll wash your hands as soon as we get out.”

(long pause)

TD: “WAIT! NO! DON’T… aww, man… don’t touch your face. Please don’t touch your face. Oh God, your mom’s gonna kill me. I’m dead. I’m dead. Wait. No. It’s OK, we’ll just… YOU MUST STOP TOUCHING YOUR FACE.”

(long pause)

LK: “My nose itches.”

TD: (loud sigh)

TD: “You’re getting booster shots tomorrow.”

Pet the Vet

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Me: “You are smart, and strong, and working hard in school, and that means you can do and be whatever you want when you grow up.”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I’m going to be a veterinarian!”

Me: “Oh, good!”

LMT: “I’ll feed all the animals and pet them for about… probably two hours. Then I’ll go home and play with my friends.”

Me: “That sounds nice. I think you’ll make a good Vet. But you know, sometimes the animals are sick and need medicine, or even surgery.”

LMT: “Why?”

Me: “They get sick or hurt just like people do sometimes. And they need a Veterinarian to help them get better.”

(long pause)

LMT: “I’ll pay someone else to do that part.”

Me: “Sounds good.”

Where Does It Go?

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Me: “Dinner time, kids!”

Danger Monkey, age 9: “Good, I’m really hungry!”

DM: (noisily devours two plates of food)

DM: “I drank all my milk, now can I have a glass of cider?”

Me: “You just ate your body weight in food. You literally ate more than I did. Where could you possibly put a glass of cider?”

DM: “It will pour into the cracks between the food.”

DM: (chugs large glass of cider)

DM: “Can I have some Halloween candy?”

Me: (wide eyed stare)

Me: “Sure, but not too much, OK?”

DM: “Yay!” (runs off)

Me: “He may be going through a growth spurt.”

Wonderful Wife: “Oh, do you think?”