Counter Weight

Me: “I need two wrist bands for the boys here for your unlimited go-karts please.”

Counter Dude: “Is one riding with you, or both by themselves?”

Me: “No, none for me. I’m too big.”

Dude: “Nah, our karts are nice and big. Kids ride with adults all the time.”

Me: “No, I’m too big.”

Dude: “Seriously, see the sign… weight limit is 350. That means they can hold up to 350 lbs and still move pretty good. As long as you and the kid don’t weigh over 350 together, you should be fine.”

Me: “No, I’m saying that I weigh over 350 lbs all by myself.”

(long pause)

Dude: “Whoa. Really?”

Me: “Really.”

(long pause)

Dude: “Sorry.”

Me: “Story of my life, man.”

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Better By Daddy

My Oldest, age 16: “I bought new wiper blades, but can you put them on my car for me?”

Me: “It would be better for me to show you…”

Oldest: “Please, Daddy? I’ll pay you with… love… and… love. That’s all I’ve got.”

(long pause)

Me: “As you wish, dear.”