Wonderful Wife: “Good morning, dear. Be warned, we have kids in the bed who may or may not be about to…”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “CANNONBALL!!!”

(jumps onto my middle)

Me: “Oof. What a way to wake up. Wait… who’s pulling my arm hair?”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “I’m not pulling your hair. I’m just hugging you… one hair at a time.”

Me: …

WW: “Well, honey, do you feel loved?”

Me: “I feel… a knee in my spleen.”

WW: “Same thing.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure morning snuggles are supposed to be calm and loving.”

WW: “Are you sure? Have you checked the manual lately?”

LMT: “I think that was how snuggles were before you had kids.”

Me: “We’ve never not had kids.”