Month: February 2017

Must Be On His Mother’s Side

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Me: “Oh my word! How big of a bite did you take? You can’t even close your mouth.”

Danger Monkey, age 10: (incomprehensible noises)

Wonderful Wife: “That’s unacceptable.”

DM: (spits out much food)

Me: “Dude, that’s way too much. That’s like four bites.”

WW: “That’s eight bites. I think I’m going to be sick.”

Me: “Dude. Gross.”

DM: “What can I say? I have chipmunk ancestry.”

Me: …

Me: “I’m not a genealogist, but as your parents, you’d think we would have already known that.”

Foiled Again

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Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Can I have one of my chocolates now? You said after dinner.”

Wonderful Wife: “Sure. Leave the rest right here by me.”

LMT: “Awesome!” (starts away)

Danger Monkey, age 10: “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

LMT: (stops in her tracks)

LMT: “I’ll take this with me.”

WW: (side eye at the boy)

WW: “Foiled again.”