My Oldest, Age 15: (climbing into car) “What took you so long? I almost froze to death.”
Me: “Sorry. But, let’s be clear, I was only five minutes late.”
Oldest: “Except it’s February and now I have frostbite.”
Me: “Well, you would have been fine if you had a sweater or coat on.”
Oldest: “Yeah, like that’s my fault.”
Me: …
Danger Monkey, age 10: “Mom, you can have my extra Fun Dip.”
Wonderful Wife: “Well, thank you!”
DM: “OK, I’ll tell you how to eat it. It’s a different kind of candy.”
WW: “Oh, honey. I know how to eat Fun Dip. Trust me.”
Me: “Yeah, kiddo. Fun Dip was around even when we were kids.”
WW: “In fact, in high school, I once poured three packets of Fun Dip on a pickle and ate it.”
Me: “Whut.”
DM: “Ewwww! Why?”
WW: “It was a dare. It was absolutely disgusting. Ask Alex Service. I cannot recommend the combo.”
Me: “Son, don’t ever do something on a dare. It never works out.”
DM: “OK. But I want to try Fun Dip on a pickle.”
Me: …
Me: “I don’t feel like I’m getting through to you here.”
Me: “Is it hot in here?”
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “You should wear a tank top.”
Wonderful Wife: “Please don’t.”
LMT: “Why not?”
WW: “I don’t think it’s an attractive look.”
LMT: “Who cares? You’re already married.”
WW: “Well, I think he is attractive, but not a tank top.”
LMT: “You can get divorced if you don’t like it.”
Me: (slow blink)
WW: (slow blink)
WW: “Hmmm… that’s not how that works.”
LMT: “It’s an option.”
Very Vocal Viking 