Eat Yer Veggies

(at restaurant)

Tiny Boy, maybe age 3: “Mommy, he’s really tall! Look, Mommy! He’s really tall!”

Mommy: “Yes, he is. Now let’s concentrate on your food.”

TB: “He’s really tall. He’s really tall. Is he a giant? Is he a giant?”

Mommy: “I’m so sorry, sir.”

Me: “No, I’m not a giant. But when I was little, I ate lots of veggies and they made me extra big and strong. Do you eat vegetables?”

TB: (nods, eyes wide)

Me: “Good. Eat your veggies and you’ll grow up big and strong like me.”

TB: “I will.”

The Price of Power

My Oldest, age 15: “Can I drive home?”

Me: “Sure.”

MO: (starts engine)

MO: “Bwahaha! We’re going to Dairy Queen and there’s nothing you can do about it! I’m in control now! You have to go where I want to go!”

(long silence)

MO: “You’re still going to pay, right?”

Stinky Uncles

Me: “Let’s try something different tonight.”

My Oldest, age 15: “Nope.”

Me: “Awww, why not? We can’t always go to the same three restaurants.”

Oldest: “Uh. Yes we can.”

Me: “Where’s your spirit of adventure?”

Oldest: “There’s a reason we go to the same three restaurants. They’re good. If you want to try Uncle Stinky’s Barbeque & Foot Spa, do it on your own time.”

Me: …

Me: “That place sounds awesome.”

Oldest: “And… there’s your problem.”