Chips on My Shoulder

My Oldest, age 16: (walks in eating potato chips) “Hey, since when do you hide potato chips from us?”


Me: (whispering) “I don’t hide them. I just… store them… strategically. And please be quiet before the others hear you.”

My Oldest: “This from the guy who tells us to not keep secrets. Nice.”

Me: “Hey, now. I only hide them because you kids snarf them up immediately as soon as you know they’re in the house. It’s one of my only treats, so I like to have some stick around in the house longer than 10 minutes.”

My Oldest: “Whatever. You can hide all the BBQ chips you want, I just want the plain ones.”

Danger Monkey, age 10: (from the other room) “We have BBQ chips! Woo-hoo!”

Me: (glaring)

My Oldest: (batting eye lashes) “Love you, Daddy.” (walks away)



Liar, liar

Me: (whispering) “Hey, kids… I have a secret. We’re going to watch a movie while Mom goes out tonight with her friends. Don’t tell Mom!”

My Wonderful Wife (from other room): “What did you say?”

Danger Monkey, age 7: “He didn’t say anything and it had nothing to do with movies!”

NOTE: Not the best liar. And I’m OK with that.