Stabbing Pains

(wrestling)

(WOMP)

Me: “Ow! What was that?”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “My elbow.”

Me: “Then no more elbows.”

(WOMP)

Me: “Hey! I said no elbows!”

DM: “That wasn’t my elbow.”

Me: “Then what was it?”

DM: “My fist.”

Me: …

Me: “That’s worse than an elbow.”

DM: “You didn’t say no fists.”

Me: “I didn’t say no knives either, but that doesn’t mean you can stab me with a giant knife.”

DM: …

DM: “What about a small knife? How big is giant?”

Me: “NO STABBING.”

Dead Asleep

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I need to sleep with you tonight.”

Wonderful Wife: “No, back to your bed.”

LMT: “But I don’t sleep well in my bed!”

WW: “Just this morning I asked you how you slept, and you said OK.”

LMT: “Yeah, only OK. That just means I didn’t die.”

Snooze to Me

(settling into bed)

Me: “Sorry it took me a bit to get to bed tonight. Good night, dear. Sleep tight.”

(long pause)

Wonderful Wife: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Letting you go to sleep. You’ve  been saying all night how tired you are. So, let’s go right to sleep.”

(long pause)

WW: “Dont forget the seven.”

Me: “Huh? The seven what?”

WW: “Seven… Eleven.”

Me: “OK. What about it?”

(pause)

WW: “What about what?”

Me: “You said don’t forget the Seven Eleven.”

WW: “I may be… hallucinating.”

Me: “I think you’re just falling…”

WW: (soft snoring)

Me: “… asleep.”

(soft kiss on forehead)

Me: “Goodnight, Sweetie.”