Twenty Questions

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Let’s play 20 questions. Try to guess what I’m thinking.”

Me: “Is it bigger than a breadbox?”

DM: “It can take any shape.”

Me: …

Me: “It can’t be a fictional character in a book that only you’ve read.”

DM: …

DM: “I only want to play if mythical creatures are included.”

Me: “OK, maybe I should go first. Try to guess what I’m thinking.”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Is it on your face?”

Me: …

Me: “Maybe we should just go back to quietly reading for the rest of the drive.”

LMT: “I thought of something.”

Me: “OK, is it a place or a person?”

LMT: “It’s something you can go into.”

Me: “Is it a building?”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Yes.”

Me: “Is it a business?”

LMT: “Mmm… not sure.”

Me: “Well, does it have employees?”

LMT: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Do they sell things?”

LMT: “I don’t know.”

Me: …

Me: “Then I guess I give up.”

LMT: “It’s a bank.”

Me: “Honey, banks have employees inside them.”

LMT: “How am I supposed to know what goes on in there?”

Unlocked

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Can I learn how to unlock your car?”

Me: “Sure, kiddo. Here’s the key.”

LMT: “How do I unlock everything at once?”

Me: “No, I bought this one used and it doesn’t work that way. The guy showed me how to unlock the driver door, then reach inside to manually push the unlock button.”

LMT: “I think you turn it and hold it.” (turns key and holds)

Me: “No, don’t hold it turned like that. You need to…

Car: <click>
(all locks on car pop unlocked)

Me: …

LMT: “Told you.”

Me: (slow blink)

Moral of the story: Keep learning.

And don’t question LMT.

The Guy Rules

Danger Monkey, age 9: “Let’s use this locker so we’ll be close to the pool.”

Me: “No, it’s not polite to choose a locker next to the only naked stranger in the whole locker room.”

(naked stranger laughs)

… (later) …

DM: “Dad, why did that guy laugh?”

Me: “Because every guy learned all the unwritten locker room rules from his Dad, so it’s funny to hear some other kid learning them. It’s a happy memory.”

DM: “There are more rules?”

Me: “So many rules.”

DM: “I didn’t know locker rooms were so complicated.”

Me: “Oh yeah, locker rooms are one of the most complicated places on the planet.”

DM: “Ugh.”

Me: “I agree.”