Me: “Hey, it’s really cold. What is taking so long to get into the car?”
Danger Monkey, age 10: “I dropped my book. I think while taking off all my weapons.”
Me: (slow blink)
Me: “How many weapons do you have?”
DM: “My elven sword and my bow. But don’t worry, I don’t have any arrows.”
Me: “I love you, dude.”
DM: “Whatever.”
I can barely stand the irony of sternly talking to the boy for reading past lights out.
His mother and I both were that kid, always reading past lights out. I honestly believe I needed glasses so early in life purely because of all the hours reading by flashlight.
Son, if you read this some day, we both love that you want to read for a couple extra hours every night, but your sister keeps telling on you.
Please get better at hiding it.
Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I’m almost done reading Harry Potter 3. It has, like, a hundred chapters.”
Danger Monkey, age 9: “No, it only has 22 chapters.”
Me: “Are you sure?”
LMT: (flipping pages) “Yep. He’s right.”
Me: “How did you know that?”
DM: “I don’t know.”
Me: “How long has it been since you’ve read that book?”
DM: “About a year.”
Me: “How many times have you read it?”
DM: “Hmmm… thrice.”
(long pause)
Me: “I love being your dad. You’re a cool little dude. And using words like “thrice” makes your mom REALLY happy.”
Very Vocal Viking 