Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Look Daddy! I have a parachute!”

(holds six plastic grocery bags above her head)

Me: “How creative.”

LMT: “Let me get a running start. ”

Me: “Wait… wut…”

(runs past me, jumps off a couch, crumples to the ground)

Me: “Are you OK?”

(jumps to her feet)

LMT: (long pause)

LMT: “Nailed it.”

Cashed Out

Cashier: “Do you want a bag for this?”

Me: “No, thank you. It’s just trail mix and Gatorade. I can handle it.”

Cashier: “Do you want a receipt?”

Me: “No thanks.”

Cashier: (starts bagging my stuff)

Me: “Uh, no thanks. I don’t want a bag.”

Cashier: “What?”

Me: “You asked me like 12 seconds ago and I said no bag, please.”

Cashier: “Wow. Ok, no bag. Wow.”

Cashier: (removes items from plastic bag)

Me: “Thanks.”

Cashier: (holds out receipt)

Me: …

Me: (grabs items and runs)