King Solomon on Laundry

Me: “OK, OK… stop arguing. At this point, I don’t care who said what. I just need the hallway cleared. Is there — or is there not — stuff in the hallway between your rooms?”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Yes.”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Yes.”

Me: “OK, then, who does it belong to?”

DM: “Not me.”

LMT: “Not me.”

Me: “Good! That makes it easy. Let’s gather it all up and give it to charity.”

DM: “I’ll do that right now!” (runs off)

LMT: “DON’T YOU DARE THROW AWAY MY THINGS!!!” (runs off)

Me: …

Me: “I win.”

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Viking Wings

Most people don’t know that Vikings invented chicken wings. Early writings indicate they tasted better when the chickens were “pillaged locally.”

Viking_Wings

Stomping All The Way

Wonderful Wife: “Come help set the table.”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “No.”

WW: “Pardon me?”

LMT: “No… thank you?”

WW: “Get to work.”

(stomp stomp stomp)

WW: “Stomping is not a valid form of protest.”

LMT: “I’m not stomping. I’m… playing Jingle Bells… with my feet.”

WW: …