Let’s Get Lit

Me: “We got a family membership at the Y.”

My Oldest, age 15: “Yes! That’s lit!”

Me: “Lit? What, like English Lit?”

Oldest: (teenager death stare)

Me: “Classical Lit? Women’s Lit?”

Oldest: “I hate you.”

Two out of Three

Me: “To cut back on calories and save money, I’ve decided to not order a shake with my dinner. I’ll just help the kids finish theirs.”

All three kids: “No way! I’m not sharing!” (much clamor)

Me: “OK, I guess I have to respect that.”

(I go back up and order my own shake)

Little Miss Thing, age 6: “I’m full. You can have the rest of mine.”

Danger Monkey, age 9: “Yeah, I can’t finish mine either.”

My Oldest, age 15: “Hey, don’t look at me. I’m no quitter.”

Little Miss Thing, age 6: “Could you drive any slower?”

Me: “It’s raining so hard that I can’t see the road. So, should we… A) Go slower, B) Go faster, or C) Hassle the driver?”

Oldest, age 15: “I think you’re looking for us to say A… but my gut is telling me C.”

Me: “Yes, actually, the answer is C. Ridiculing an authority figure is always the answer.”