Flight Plan

[not my kid, not my photo]

(loud crash upstairs)

Me: “What was that giant crashing noise?!?”

(long pause)

Little Miss Thing, age 7, down the stairs: “I’m OK.”

Me: “What happened?”

(long pause)

LMT: “Turns out I can’t fly.”

Family Lessons

Wonderful Wife: “So kids, did you enjoy the cookout and playing with your cousins?”

Danger Monkey, age 9: “I learned how to play Magic The Gathering. Do you know where I can buy Magic cards?”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I learned two new swear words.”

WW: (jaw drop)

Me: “Best party ever.”


Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Can I learn how to unlock your car?”

Me: “Sure, kiddo. Here’s the key.”

LMT: “How do I unlock everything at once?”

Me: “No, I bought this one used and it doesn’t work that way. The guy showed me how to unlock the driver door, then reach inside to manually push the unlock button.”

LMT: “I think you turn it and hold it.” (turns key and holds)

Me: “No, don’t hold it turned like that. You need to…

Car: <click>
(all locks on car pop unlocked)

Me: …

LMT: “Told you.”

Me: (slow blink)

Moral of the story: Keep learning.

And don’t question LMT.