Getting Started

Little Miss Thing, age 8: “You started it. You always start it!”

Danger Monkey, age 11: “No I don’t!”

Me: “OK, kids, cut it out. The only thing worse than arguing is arguing about arguing. Trust me, you have better things to do with your time.”

(long pause)

DM: “But now you are arguing about arguing about arguing.”

Me: …

LMT: “I told you he always starts it.”

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Write Right

Danger Monkey, age 10: “So are you an author now? What about your other job?”

Me: “Yes, I’m an author and I published a book, but mostly I still do my regular job.”

DM: “Why?”

Me: “Well, it’s not that kind of book. It’s just for fun.”

DM: “You need to write another book. But this time, try harder.”

Me: …

Beefy

Danger Monkey, age 10: “Your beef stew is delicious, but it has too many vegetables.”

Me: “Vegetables are part of the soup. It’s yummy. Eat up.”

DM: “This should be called Vegetable Soup with a tiny bit of beef.”

Me: “Actually, wiseguy, it’s got plenty of…”

DM: “I’m going to make Beef Stew that’s just one kernel of corn and the rest is beef and delicious broth.”

Me: (long pause)

Me: “As your father I’m supposed to correct you, but I would totally eat that.”