To Whom It Concerns

(at county fair)

Me: “Alright, let’s go to the booth back in the corner with all the crazy desserts.”

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “No, I’m not ready for ice cream yet.”

Me: “Well, maybe it’s not for you. I’m going to get a funnel cake.”

LMT: “I hate funnel cake.”

(side eye)

Me: “I don’t think you actually hate funnel cake. I think you just don’t remember how awesome it is. I’m definitely going to share it, so you are welcome to try some.”

LMT: “You’re going to share it with who?”

Me: “With WHOM.”

LMT: “I don’t know! That’s why I’m asking you!”

He Means Everything

Me: “Make sure you get some fruits and veggies in addition to the General Tso’s chicken. It’s a buffet but we still need to get fruits and veggies.”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “I will. I just love General Tso’s.”

Me: “Yeah, I thought you’d grow out of it eventually, but you’re still loving it. I’m going to start calling you General Tso.”

DM: “What? Why?”

Me: “Because you are what you eat.” (snicker)

DM: “Really? Then why don’t we call you Everything?”