Demerits

My Oldest, age 16: (singing)

Danger Monkey, age 10: “That song’s annoying. Stop singing.”

MO: (sings louder)

DM: “OK, then you lose 10 points.”

MO: “What points?”

DM: “You just lost 10 points for your House.”

MO: “I don’t care.”

DM: “Minus 10 more points for not caring.”

MO: (rolls eyes)

Me: “You know, Son, we’re all in the same house. Taking away points from your family members doesn’t really make much sense.”

DM: (long pause)

DM: “Minus 10 points for Dad.”

 

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First Rule of DoggyTime

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “Daddy, guess what I did at school today.”

Me: “Learned to fly?”

LMT: “Incorrect. Minus five points from Griffyndor.”

Me: “Wait. What…?”

Danger Monkey, age 10: “I think I’m Ravenclaw. If Daddy is Griffyndor, what are you?”

LMT: “I’m a dog, so I’m in… DoggyTime.”

DM: “There’s no House called Doggytime at Hogwarts!”

LMT: “You’re not a dog, so we can’t tell you about it.”

Thrice

Little Miss Thing, age 7: “I’m almost done reading Harry Potter 3. It has, like, a hundred chapters.”

Danger Monkey, age 9: “No, it only has 22 chapters.”

Me: “Are you sure?”

LMT: (flipping pages) “Yep. He’s right.”

Me: “How did you know that?”

DM: “I don’t know.”

Me: “How long has it been since you’ve read that book?”

DM: “About a year.”

Me: “How many times have you read it?”

DM: “Hmmm… thrice.”

(long pause)

Me: “I love being your dad. You’re a cool little dude. And using words like “thrice” makes your mom REALLY happy.”