Well, Actually

Gas Station Cashier Dude: “Are you a LARPer?”

Me: “What? Me? Well, yes, actually I…”

Dude: “You look like a LARPER to me. Do you think LARP combat favors smaller people?”

Me: “Well, actually it does tend…”

Dude: “What are you, like 6’6″?”

Me: “6’4″ actually.”

Tiny high school girl in line behind me: “You seem a lot taller than 6’4″ to me.”

Dude: “Do you know martial arts?”

Girl: “Your hair makes you look taller.”

Me: “I need to go. Kids… car… leaving now…”

(awkward run-stumble to car, slam door behind me)

My Oldest, age 14: “Whats wrong?”

Me: “Remind me to never stop for gas in Martinsville. It’s an odd place.”

Dude

Stock boy: “Ever see Big Lebowski?”

Me: “Yes.”

SB: “You look like The Dude.”

Me: “You know, I get that a lot, actually.”

(Long pause)

SB: “I didn’t just offend you or anything, right?”

Me: “The Dude abides.”

SB: “You’re awesome, man.”